This is not in order of what I like best of all, it's just things I'm thinking about. and I'll add more and more.
Top thing today. Not what happened. The opposite of what happened. If you are friends with an abuser and you want to know how the person who he abused feels about it, ask, don't go on and on about why you are friends with the asshole, or what you think might have happened, or your own story of what kind of guy you think he is. Just say "I am friends with (fucker) and want to know if there is any way I can still be friends with you or supportive of you, and am wondering where you're at with it all. Then shut the fuck up and listen. I am so tired of having to defend myself, having to retell stories. i am so tired of people being friends with abusers, especially abusers who have a pattern of abuse. I am sick of people hanging out with abusers and not talking with them constantly. If you are friends with an abuser, think about why. What are you gaining from his friendship? What is he gaining from your friendship. What about your acceptance of him might make it so he doesn't have to look at his shit. If you are friends with an abuser, it is your responsibility to talk to him about it every single time you hang out. I don't want to hear excuses. I don't want to hear that isolation makes it so he doesn't have to confront it. I am sick of it. If you are friends with an abuser and you are afraid to talk with him about what he has done, then you shouldn't be friends with him. He is not going to get better just from hanging around your good example. If you have an abuser friend, now is the time for your friendship to end.
things I love. things I do when I feel like I'm going to lose my mind because of people talking forever at me about someone who abused me.
1. walk. look at the world around me.
2. talk to my sister. ask her if I am exagerating what happened, or if my experience was real.
3. believe her when she says it was real.
4. feel where it feels shitty in my body.
5. sit quietly and relax that part. my shoulder. talk to the inner voices that are telling me I deserved it or didn't say no enough. tell the inner voices that I hear them, and they are wrong. that they know they are wrong. that it's ok to be sad instead of self-blaming.
6. Ask roommates if it's ok if I shoot him if he comes on our land. (he is already not allowed on our land they tell me. Hooray!)
7. try to cry. failing that, listen to music and stare at the light on my ceiling
8. decide eating is probably good to do.
9. forgive myself for whatever I need forgiving for
11. let myself be in a bad mood
12. pray for patience with people who do not know how to care about anything other than themselves
13. congratulate self for setting boundries, and for not saying that it was ok that she is still friends with him
14. remember decision to no longer be friends with people who are friends with abusers
15. walk outside and look at the stars
16. think of the people who care about me. and the people who are working to end this shittyness
Learning to Love You More I'm not usually in to web sites exactly, but this one is kind of nice. It is different assignments, writing and art and speaking, and you do them and send them in. Like take a photo of under your bed They also give out grants for submissions they especially like.
How To Grow More Vegetables... This was my first gardening book and it seemed like gardening was so complicated. You don't have to do everything this book says to have a really nice time gardening, but this is a pretty good and inspiring book. I always have a hard time remembering that even half an hour in the dirt makes me feel a hundred times less crazy.